MAN-STRIKE: Bag Lady

Girl I know sometimes it's hard
And we can't let go
Oh when someone hurts you oh so bad inside
You can't deny it you can't stop crying
So oh, oh, oh
If you start breathin
Then you won't believe it
You'll feel so much better
(So much better baby)

 

- Erykah Badu

 

 

 

I don't know about you but whenever I come back from vacation one of the things I look the least forward to is having to unpack my bags and do laundry.  Man, I absolutely hate it.  I'm not much of a laundry girl.  I mean, honestly speaking, there isn't much about me that screams domestic diva, but I digress on that point...LOL!!!!  I just never liked having to go through all these bags of clothes and sorting them out in order for them to be cleaned.  That's just never been my thing. 

 

I have now come to realize that my loathing of laundry is very symbolic of my life in general.  Just from doing this post series on the MAN-STRIKE has allowed me to realize that I've been lugging around some serious emotional baggage.  I mean don't get me wrong I know we all have baggage, but I was thinking I only had a messenger bag, a nice Louis Vuitton messenger bag, amount of baggage, but man was I wrong.  It turns out that not only do I have a messenger bag I have a carry-on and two checked-in suitcases worth of baggage.  Now, I'm pretty sure you are wondering how I was able to accumulate all this stuff, but it's actually very simple.  Instead of dealing with things when they happen, I like to compartmentalize them and file them away.  This is the kind of stuff I've done with my past relationships.  Instead of learning something from the experience I compartmentalize the hurt and try to put it in a place where I "think" I won't have to deal with it.  I am one of those people that once I've felt a particular pain I never want to experience that pain again and thus instead of letting someone that close to hurt me that way again I keep them at a distance.

 

Self preservation was my excuse as to the reason why I kept people at a distance, but the truth of the matter is that it always goes back to my baggage.  I may have thought I was protecting myself, but in fact I was just punishing myself by allowing baggage from my previous relationship to clutter up my space.  I gave these men more power over me than I realize.  While they are going on their merry way with their lives, here I am still lugging around all the disappointment and pain they put me through.  I wish I could blame them for this, but the fact of the matter is I am the one that made myself a martyr.  I made a conscious decision to emotionally remove myself from the game.  I believed that if I never let anyone in then I never have to worry about feeling pain, but the opposite happened.  I wasn't prepared for the type of pain I inflicted upon myself.  By exiling my heart I rolled out the welcome mat for people who were just as damaged as me to come into my life and boy did they come.  People a lot more damaged than me recognized a kindred spirit in me.  I had to ask myself why is that.  What is it about me that I can attract all these damaged people?

 

So, like I said in the beginning I hate going through my bags after a trip, but I now realize it is necessary.  I mean how else am I going to be able to wear that strapless black and white dress that I love so much if I don't get it clean.  How am I ever going to be my complete 100% if I'm never willing to go through the baggage that I have been lugging around and get the dirty stuff inside of it cleaned?  At the end of the day it is I who determines my destiny and the type of person I am going to be.  Now, it's time for me to get started on this baggage.

 

Do you have any baggage, and if so, how are you dealing with it?  Please share your stories here or just tell me what you think of the Man-Strike in general. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in: MAN-STRIKE